The start of a new day

Today’s update brings a little more info about mom and info about me.

Mom does seem to be getting better as usual, a little bit more each day. Major breakthroughs occur less and less but I see dramatic improvement in memory of the past, but short term is still shaky. We did an exercise recently of all the dogs we had and at first she said “I don’t know” to every dog name I asked her about. But if I gave her the first two or three letters, she could remember the names. Ask her later what they were, and you would have to repeat the whole process. With grandma out of town and Abbey staying here, mom showed incentive by trying to take her for a walk! I went with them to supervise and it went well.

Funny and ‘obsessive’ habits are still occurring and they seem hard to break. I have to assume most of them are out of boredom. Things like flipping the TV channel every 5 to 30 seconds, checking the mailbox every hour or so, letting the dog in and out every hour (and sometimes the dog is already in the house) and various other benign, but strange habits.

Mom still needs 24/7 care for safety reasons. If no one was here I can only imagine how well she would keep herself clean. While she attempts to shower, it’s not very thorough. She can get herself to the bathroom fine, but her bowel movement cleaning is less than desirable and still wears day timers and depends at night to keep a dry bed. She still sleeps with the bed rails up (she insists on them being down) but I can only imagine her trying to get up and falling in the middle of the night in the dark.

Her every meal is prepared for her, but she insists she has been getting her own meals since the stroke. WRONG! I fear her trying to use the stove, and let alone trying to use the microwave. If no one lived here, I would have to have those items removed and meals delivered. She has no concept on using the microwave and I would worry the gas stove would be the end of her.

She can kind of get dressed but her right arm is still an issue. She has some movement in the arm and hand, but it’s more of a hindrance still. With bathroom issues/accidents I would worry her clothes are not getting washed so some daily laundry tasks must still be done.

She visited her neurologist this week and she said it’s time for a psych evaluation to be done. I am worried this is a good as she is going to get, and some things are going to have to change for the health of the other caregivers in mom’s life.

Now about Mike, the live-in caregiver:

I have come to the conclusion, that while this has been a trying yet rewarding experience in some ways, I cannot do this forever or much longer. My health, my job and my marriage are suffering. My wife and have grown apart (not because of this issue with mom) and our marriage is all but over at this point. I have not slept at my home in over 6 weeks, and trying to work from home one day a week and recent job traveling, is starting to get noticed by my managers. If I do not get myself and my life together, I will not be able to do my mother or myself any good.

Today is my proclamation day, Sunday October 28, 2006. Today I am going to take charge of my life and make changes to it that will benefit not only me, but others. I am going to initially pursue a live-in for mom and as fast as I can. I feel this is the best option for her outside of a nursing home or assisted living. If that cannot be done, then I will start preparing mom to the idea of assisted living. Her Nueropsych evaluation will reveal to me how well I can expect her to get, and what kind of living space she is going to need.

Am I giving up on Mom? No, but I cannot give up on me either. I said I would try this for as long as I could and I would have hated myself if I had not tried to help mom. But I cannot see her getting better to the point just yet where she can be alone. If my marriage is over and I am going to be alone for the time being, then I need to take care of Mike now, so I can take care of mom later.

I want to thank Liz, my wife, for the help she has given over the last 5 months and to Stephanie the Nurse extern that has come in also. Without them, I may not have done this as long as I have, or kept my sanity. To Judy and Ben who were kind enough to take mom to her AA meetings. They didn’t have to do that, but they did it out of love and caring. Thanks to Uncle Richard (moms brother) for his help around the house when I was working or out of town, I really owe him!

Sadly there are not too many others to thank. Mom had a great circle of friends who just seemed to disappear when she came home. Maybe its out of fear of what to say and do for her, or maybe its something else, I don’t know. But shame on me for not reaching out and asking for help, no one to blame for that but myself.

This page is not going away. It’s a free blog page I plan to update a lot or more if I can. Something to keep in mind for yourself or even your own parents; have all your affairs in order you never know when something like this is going to happen to you or them. The mess and stress and strife it leaves behind is not something I wish on anybody, not even my worst enemies.

Mom breaks child labor law racket

Well not really, but Liz did put mom to work for her upcoming show at the Huron Applefest. Liz had mom putting plastic fall leaves into soap bottles and she did quite well (and stayed out if Liz's hair for a couple of hours!)