Just a quick update in case anyone still reads this site.
Mom has really not gotten worse or better since the end of January, when she went to assisted living. I have tried many things to help her or motivate her to work on her speech and other things, but she refuses or just doesnt care to participate. I guess thats ok, but I have come to realize the power to get better is all up to her.
She is safe, somewhat happy and well watched over, but she will more than likely never get out of the place she is in. She could really use visitors these days, I think it helps her at least for the moment, even if it is only for a half and hour or so. If you would like more info on mom, please drop me an email.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Seizures, Dilantin and a move in the new year
Well its been over 2 months since a post, and lots of things have happened.
A few major things, is that mom did have a cognitive psych eval and the results are not favorable for her. The Dr. basically stated she will need 24/7 supervision the rest of her days, at least for safety's sake, and doesn't expect her to get ever get much better than she is now. What this means is changes in her life that were inevitable, are now coming faster. While her health is stable, she can no longer be alone and feed or clean her self properly.
The second thing that has occurred, is that mom had a seizure. I guess this is common post stroke victims, but another strike against her. She is now in Dilantin and it really threw her for a loop. She was to tired or un-motivated to get up and do anything, including going to the bathroom, which was messy for a week or so. The Dr. has cut back the dosage and she seems to be getting better again.
Sadly and lastly, the New year brings resolutions and changes. I have decided that this kind of work is to much for one person to do, and I have a found an assisted living place for mom to get the care she needs, allowing her and I to have more than a caregiver relationship. Mom will be moving to a wonderful Adult Care Center in Monroe, where she can have friends and family visit her anytime, 24/7. She will also get rehab as needed, meals, laundry and snacks all inclusive. The facility can only hold 20 folks so mom will get a double room with no roommate at a single price.
This is a hard decision for me, but the support of family and friends is helping me realize she needs more than I can give her, while also letting me move on in life.
I hope the New Year brings you joy as it will for mom and I, both happy and living life as much as we possibly can.
A few major things, is that mom did have a cognitive psych eval and the results are not favorable for her. The Dr. basically stated she will need 24/7 supervision the rest of her days, at least for safety's sake, and doesn't expect her to get ever get much better than she is now. What this means is changes in her life that were inevitable, are now coming faster. While her health is stable, she can no longer be alone and feed or clean her self properly.
The second thing that has occurred, is that mom had a seizure. I guess this is common post stroke victims, but another strike against her. She is now in Dilantin and it really threw her for a loop. She was to tired or un-motivated to get up and do anything, including going to the bathroom, which was messy for a week or so. The Dr. has cut back the dosage and she seems to be getting better again.
Sadly and lastly, the New year brings resolutions and changes. I have decided that this kind of work is to much for one person to do, and I have a found an assisted living place for mom to get the care she needs, allowing her and I to have more than a caregiver relationship. Mom will be moving to a wonderful Adult Care Center in Monroe, where she can have friends and family visit her anytime, 24/7. She will also get rehab as needed, meals, laundry and snacks all inclusive. The facility can only hold 20 folks so mom will get a double room with no roommate at a single price.
This is a hard decision for me, but the support of family and friends is helping me realize she needs more than I can give her, while also letting me move on in life.
I hope the New Year brings you joy as it will for mom and I, both happy and living life as much as we possibly can.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
The start of a new day
Today’s update brings a little more info about mom and info about me.
Mom does seem to be getting better as usual, a little bit more each day. Major breakthroughs occur less and less but I see dramatic improvement in memory of the past, but short term is still shaky. We did an exercise recently of all the dogs we had and at first she said “I don’t know” to every dog name I asked her about. But if I gave her the first two or three letters, she could remember the names. Ask her later what they were, and you would have to repeat the whole process. With grandma out of town and Abbey staying here, mom showed incentive by trying to take her for a walk! I went with them to supervise and it went well.
Funny and ‘obsessive’ habits are still occurring and they seem hard to break. I have to assume most of them are out of boredom. Things like flipping the TV channel every 5 to 30 seconds, checking the mailbox every hour or so, letting the dog in and out every hour (and sometimes the dog is already in the house) and various other benign, but strange habits.
Mom still needs 24/7 care for safety reasons. If no one was here I can only imagine how well she would keep herself clean. While she attempts to shower, it’s not very thorough. She can get herself to the bathroom fine, but her bowel movement cleaning is less than desirable and still wears day timers and depends at night to keep a dry bed. She still sleeps with the bed rails up (she insists on them being down) but I can only imagine her trying to get up and falling in the middle of the night in the dark.
Her every meal is prepared for her, but she insists she has been getting her own meals since the stroke. WRONG! I fear her trying to use the stove, and let alone trying to use the microwave. If no one lived here, I would have to have those items removed and meals delivered. She has no concept on using the microwave and I would worry the gas stove would be the end of her.
She can kind of get dressed but her right arm is still an issue. She has some movement in the arm and hand, but it’s more of a hindrance still. With bathroom issues/accidents I would worry her clothes are not getting washed so some daily laundry tasks must still be done.
She visited her neurologist this week and she said it’s time for a psych evaluation to be done. I am worried this is a good as she is going to get, and some things are going to have to change for the health of the other caregivers in mom’s life.
Now about Mike, the live-in caregiver:
I have come to the conclusion, that while this has been a trying yet rewarding experience in some ways, I cannot do this forever or much longer. My health, my job and my marriage are suffering. My wife and have grown apart (not because of this issue with mom) and our marriage is all but over at this point. I have not slept at my home in over 6 weeks, and trying to work from home one day a week and recent job traveling, is starting to get noticed by my managers. If I do not get myself and my life together, I will not be able to do my mother or myself any good.
Today is my proclamation day, Sunday October 28, 2006. Today I am going to take charge of my life and make changes to it that will benefit not only me, but others. I am going to initially pursue a live-in for mom and as fast as I can. I feel this is the best option for her outside of a nursing home or assisted living. If that cannot be done, then I will start preparing mom to the idea of assisted living. Her Nueropsych evaluation will reveal to me how well I can expect her to get, and what kind of living space she is going to need.
Am I giving up on Mom? No, but I cannot give up on me either. I said I would try this for as long as I could and I would have hated myself if I had not tried to help mom. But I cannot see her getting better to the point just yet where she can be alone. If my marriage is over and I am going to be alone for the time being, then I need to take care of Mike now, so I can take care of mom later.
I want to thank Liz, my wife, for the help she has given over the last 5 months and to Stephanie the Nurse extern that has come in also. Without them, I may not have done this as long as I have, or kept my sanity. To Judy and Ben who were kind enough to take mom to her AA meetings. They didn’t have to do that, but they did it out of love and caring. Thanks to Uncle Richard (moms brother) for his help around the house when I was working or out of town, I really owe him!
Sadly there are not too many others to thank. Mom had a great circle of friends who just seemed to disappear when she came home. Maybe its out of fear of what to say and do for her, or maybe its something else, I don’t know. But shame on me for not reaching out and asking for help, no one to blame for that but myself.
This page is not going away. It’s a free blog page I plan to update a lot or more if I can. Something to keep in mind for yourself or even your own parents; have all your affairs in order you never know when something like this is going to happen to you or them. The mess and stress and strife it leaves behind is not something I wish on anybody, not even my worst enemies.
Mom does seem to be getting better as usual, a little bit more each day. Major breakthroughs occur less and less but I see dramatic improvement in memory of the past, but short term is still shaky. We did an exercise recently of all the dogs we had and at first she said “I don’t know” to every dog name I asked her about. But if I gave her the first two or three letters, she could remember the names. Ask her later what they were, and you would have to repeat the whole process. With grandma out of town and Abbey staying here, mom showed incentive by trying to take her for a walk! I went with them to supervise and it went well.
Funny and ‘obsessive’ habits are still occurring and they seem hard to break. I have to assume most of them are out of boredom. Things like flipping the TV channel every 5 to 30 seconds, checking the mailbox every hour or so, letting the dog in and out every hour (and sometimes the dog is already in the house) and various other benign, but strange habits.
Mom still needs 24/7 care for safety reasons. If no one was here I can only imagine how well she would keep herself clean. While she attempts to shower, it’s not very thorough. She can get herself to the bathroom fine, but her bowel movement cleaning is less than desirable and still wears day timers and depends at night to keep a dry bed. She still sleeps with the bed rails up (she insists on them being down) but I can only imagine her trying to get up and falling in the middle of the night in the dark.
Her every meal is prepared for her, but she insists she has been getting her own meals since the stroke. WRONG! I fear her trying to use the stove, and let alone trying to use the microwave. If no one lived here, I would have to have those items removed and meals delivered. She has no concept on using the microwave and I would worry the gas stove would be the end of her.
She can kind of get dressed but her right arm is still an issue. She has some movement in the arm and hand, but it’s more of a hindrance still. With bathroom issues/accidents I would worry her clothes are not getting washed so some daily laundry tasks must still be done.
She visited her neurologist this week and she said it’s time for a psych evaluation to be done. I am worried this is a good as she is going to get, and some things are going to have to change for the health of the other caregivers in mom’s life.
Now about Mike, the live-in caregiver:
I have come to the conclusion, that while this has been a trying yet rewarding experience in some ways, I cannot do this forever or much longer. My health, my job and my marriage are suffering. My wife and have grown apart (not because of this issue with mom) and our marriage is all but over at this point. I have not slept at my home in over 6 weeks, and trying to work from home one day a week and recent job traveling, is starting to get noticed by my managers. If I do not get myself and my life together, I will not be able to do my mother or myself any good.
Today is my proclamation day, Sunday October 28, 2006. Today I am going to take charge of my life and make changes to it that will benefit not only me, but others. I am going to initially pursue a live-in for mom and as fast as I can. I feel this is the best option for her outside of a nursing home or assisted living. If that cannot be done, then I will start preparing mom to the idea of assisted living. Her Nueropsych evaluation will reveal to me how well I can expect her to get, and what kind of living space she is going to need.
Am I giving up on Mom? No, but I cannot give up on me either. I said I would try this for as long as I could and I would have hated myself if I had not tried to help mom. But I cannot see her getting better to the point just yet where she can be alone. If my marriage is over and I am going to be alone for the time being, then I need to take care of Mike now, so I can take care of mom later.
I want to thank Liz, my wife, for the help she has given over the last 5 months and to Stephanie the Nurse extern that has come in also. Without them, I may not have done this as long as I have, or kept my sanity. To Judy and Ben who were kind enough to take mom to her AA meetings. They didn’t have to do that, but they did it out of love and caring. Thanks to Uncle Richard (moms brother) for his help around the house when I was working or out of town, I really owe him!
Sadly there are not too many others to thank. Mom had a great circle of friends who just seemed to disappear when she came home. Maybe its out of fear of what to say and do for her, or maybe its something else, I don’t know. But shame on me for not reaching out and asking for help, no one to blame for that but myself.
This page is not going away. It’s a free blog page I plan to update a lot or more if I can. Something to keep in mind for yourself or even your own parents; have all your affairs in order you never know when something like this is going to happen to you or them. The mess and stress and strife it leaves behind is not something I wish on anybody, not even my worst enemies.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Mom breaks child labor law racket
Well not really, but Liz did put mom to work for her upcoming show at the Huron Applefest. Liz had mom putting plastic fall leaves into soap bottles and she did quite well (and stayed out if Liz's hair for a couple of hours!)
Friday, September 01, 2006
Picasso Donakowski
Mom made some more progress recently, in fact she is stringing sentences much better and is also remembering more things about the past.
Liz had her doing some artwork on one of her statues that resides outside the house! See the picture above!!
Friday, August 11, 2006
Sue gets out and about
Hey another long awaited update for Sue is at hand. Its amazing what each day brings and the changes we see. For those of you who don’t see her everyday, may not see subtle changes, but see major changes. Day to day, even from Monday to Thursday is really amazing.
To start Sue has already meet and exceeded her occupational and physical therapy goals. Her trainers are quite amazed as to the woman they saw two weeks ago, and she is no longer going to receive that help. They want to focus the remaining covered days with speech therapy, which is where she needs more work. Not that she can’t speak mind you, she does that quite well, but she still has problems with the right words. She was getting a bit lazy getting out of bed recently, claiming she needed help, so I inquired with the therapy ladies. They told me to move her bed so she can get out on her left side, not her right. Amazing, now mom can prop herself out and get out of the bed! We still have the hospital bed with rails; we are still not keen on her walking about at night. Her right side still has some neglect, but her legs are strong. We walk at the park each night (or try too) and she pretty much speed walks! I have to remind her to slow down.
She is getting more chores to do at home, like vacuum, dust and dishes. Because the right hand is still weak, the dishes are double checked by folks with two good hands! Yesterday we took a trip to Sue’s office where many of the people she worked with came by to see her. I could tell mom was both happy and sad to be there. While she misses everyone, I think she realized going back to work is not an option for her, at least at this time. Later that night she was bit perturbed at this realization, even though she did not say it. Thanks to all the friends that came to wish her well when she was there, it meant very much to her. We will come back as often as you let us, and feel free to stop by her home and visit also.
We are now on less medication too, which seems to have helped the mood, there is a lot less anxiousness it seems. On Monday Sue had her follow up with the rehab doctors and they were amazed at her progress too. We visited some of the nurses that had helped her and they were glad to see how much she came about, which was nice know.
Well that’s all for now, and I hope to touch base soon here again as things progress.
To start Sue has already meet and exceeded her occupational and physical therapy goals. Her trainers are quite amazed as to the woman they saw two weeks ago, and she is no longer going to receive that help. They want to focus the remaining covered days with speech therapy, which is where she needs more work. Not that she can’t speak mind you, she does that quite well, but she still has problems with the right words. She was getting a bit lazy getting out of bed recently, claiming she needed help, so I inquired with the therapy ladies. They told me to move her bed so she can get out on her left side, not her right. Amazing, now mom can prop herself out and get out of the bed! We still have the hospital bed with rails; we are still not keen on her walking about at night. Her right side still has some neglect, but her legs are strong. We walk at the park each night (or try too) and she pretty much speed walks! I have to remind her to slow down.
She is getting more chores to do at home, like vacuum, dust and dishes. Because the right hand is still weak, the dishes are double checked by folks with two good hands! Yesterday we took a trip to Sue’s office where many of the people she worked with came by to see her. I could tell mom was both happy and sad to be there. While she misses everyone, I think she realized going back to work is not an option for her, at least at this time. Later that night she was bit perturbed at this realization, even though she did not say it. Thanks to all the friends that came to wish her well when she was there, it meant very much to her. We will come back as often as you let us, and feel free to stop by her home and visit also.
We are now on less medication too, which seems to have helped the mood, there is a lot less anxiousness it seems. On Monday Sue had her follow up with the rehab doctors and they were amazed at her progress too. We visited some of the nurses that had helped her and they were glad to see how much she came about, which was nice know.
Well that’s all for now, and I hope to touch base soon here again as things progress.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Home Update
It’s been a week since mom came home and finally things are getting better. The first few days were very difficult for Liz and I, and I felt totally out place and unable to be a caregiver. Liz had some scheduling issues with work but spent the first night with me (thank God because I was a nervous wreck), and after that I was there 24 hours a day for 2 days straight, with Liz coming in to calm the nerves between work shifts. It was during those moments I thought WTF have I committed myself too. There was a point where I lost it for a moment, and thought, I am going to have to put her in a home.
But things changed.
Within a few hours of being home mom realized hey, this where I live and this is where I used to smoke too! She started to look for cigarettes and could not find them, but she DID BUG FOR SOME! I mean it was constant every 5 minutes. After a day we caved and gave her some, and that was a bad idea, for it turned into a chain smoking ordeal. This stroke has left her with some very compulsive behaviors, such as changing TV channels, combing her hair and putting on Chap Stick. We have finally weaned her from the smoking part of it, but the other behaviors continue! It’s very hard to watch TV I must tell you, and sometimes we take the controller from her and give her one that does not work, but she is getting wise to that!
My wife found a nurse who has come in twice and done a great job helping. We are thinking we can use her maybe twice a week to help off set some mornings for us. She is wonderful with mom and mom seems to like her too. I also found an Elder Day Care center 4 blocks from her house and they are willing to take her on as a ‘day timer ‘ as needed. This place keeps the folks very busy and makes them tired for the night time sleeping. They also do activities and exercises and provide a hot lunch. I am going to try and utilize them also and not break mine or my mom’s bank in the process. I am working on her financial needs, paying bills, lining up Social Security benefits, and tapping into her IRA. I look at it this way, if she were to pass, what good would her assets have done in this time of need? (Thanks to my dad for that pointer).
Each day brings progress, mentally and physically. She can bath/shower herself (with a little help) and use the bathroom (it’s hard to pull up or put on clothes when one are doesn’t work to well) but I do not trust her to be alone or cook, those things will HOPEFULLY come back for her. She starts her PT/OT/SP next week (July 17th) and Liz will be taking her there for that. Our goal is to get right arm usage back a bit more and a steady balance to walk unaided as needed.
It’s been an enlightening experience for me. I have gone from a do what I want, when I want kind of guy, to taking the focus off of my needs and giving them to her. It was high time I grew up and became the man I should be, so I have mom to thank for that. Check in often to the website and see new stuff as often as I can post
http://suedonakowski.blogspot.com/
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